Scuzie!

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My alarm woke me at 6am and groggily, I tried to remember why I was awake that early. Then I recalled I had an interview – my first interview in three months – at 9:30am. It was with one of the most prestigious advertising firms in The City, and I had done very little in the way of preparation. Three months ago I had spent weeks preparing for consulting interviews, and hadn’t expected that I would end up without a single job offer and forced to apply to anything else I could get my hands on. Although, working for this advertising firm would nonetheless be very agreeable with me: it was well-known, in the heart of The City, and most importantly, paid. I sat down in front of the glowing computer screen, still downloading How I Met Your Mother Seasons 3 and 4, and pulled up the company website. I made mental notes as I clicked through their site, then reviewed the job posting and my cover letter. I knew nothing about the advertising industry, and there was no such thing as third-year advertising courses in The Business School. I could only hope to win them over with my charm and wit. I quickly showered, attempted to straighten my hair, printed out my resume, and stuffed a full outfit into my purse. I was to meet WAF and OBF after the interview and I did not want to go to lunch in my business formal clothes.

I was ten minutes early for my interview and took the time to examine my surroundings. Their office was in a building situated literally at the heart of The City. They had one floor on the building, and the entire place looked like a post-modern art gallery. The walls were white, with sheer metallic light fixtures hanging from an exposed cement ceiling. Low white couches lined the windows, across from wooden chairs. Dispersed among the walls were framed print advertisements – a portfolio of their work. Far to the left, there appeared to be a bar area, with high swivel chairs and a single beer on tap.

Fifteen minutes later, a tall, thin girl with wavy highlighted hair came to greet me and escorted me to The Meeting Room. They only had one. It was encased in glass, with six black, leather swivel chairs around an oval table. “My colleague will be with us shortly,” Thin Girl said with a smile, flashing her perfectly aligned teeth. Sure enough, a man in his mid-twenties with short brown hair and large round eyes joined us moments later in The Meeting Room. Thin Girl and Round Eyes introduced themselves and gave me their name cards. Then they began the questions.
“What is the best advertisement you’ve seen?” Today? This week? Ever?
“What is the worst advertisement you’ve seen?” Uh… I don’t know. Maybe some viral videos on Youtube?
“Tell us something interesting about yourself.” One time, I was obsessed with pad thai, and went to every thai restaurant in The City and tried their pad thai.
“If you were to create an advertising campaign for the restaurant with the best pad thai, how would you do it?” My mind went blank. What’s an advertising campaign?
“I would change their signage,” I finally blurted out. I remember they had really ugly signage. “And they were named ‘Thai Spring Rolls’ but their spring rolls really weren’t that great. I would change it to something about pad thai… like Awesome Pad Thai or something.” Thin Girl and Round Eyes exchanged looks.
Near the end of the interview, I asked them what I would have to do in the Account Management position.
“Oh, didn’t you hear? It’s actually the Interactive and Digital Media position now.”
I blinked.
“I’m sorry no one told you, we thought you knew.”
“So, what will I be doing?”
“You’d be working on projects for social media, viral videos, those sorts of things…” My earlier comment about hating Youtube viral videos flashed in my mind. Fuck.

In other words, the interview did not go well. Clearly, I was unprepared. I had not thought up any answers actually related to advertising, such as best and worst advertisements, or how to run an advertising campaign (or what running an “advertising campaign” even means). Aside from the fact that I made them chuckle a few times (maybe out of pity), it was disastrous. Did I really talk about my pad thai obsession for ten minutes? I wondered incredulously as I took the elevator down to ground level. Awesome Pad Thai? That is a horrible name! What was I thinking? I left the building. How could I not come up with an example for “worst advertisement”? I could have picked anything! Axe! Commercials that offend women! Come on! I found a washroom and ducked inside to change out of my interview clothes. And when they asked about the brand with the most loyalty, why did I pick Coke? Right after, they countered my example with Pepsi. I mean, I was totally asking for that! My feet marched me out of the building and to the nearest convenience store. I bought a pack of cigarettes. In the aftermath of my horrendous interview, I needed to make my brain stop working. And oxygen deprivation seemed like a good idea.

I am probably never going back in that building again, I thought, as I stepped back onto the pavement and gazed at the majestic building I had just exited.

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