Scuzie!

You know how some people manage to look good when they eat without even realizing it? Be it the cute way they nibble on their drumstick or the intensity with which they lick their spoon, they are oblivious to the picture of contentedness they paint in the eyes of their onlookers.

I am not one of those people.

Don’t get me wrong, I am aglow with euphoria whenever I am called upon to ingest something delicious, but I am not exactly a picture of serenity. And the aftermath of my euphoric state is never a pleasing sight.
There is just no denying it. I am not a graceful eater.

I recall coming across some “Who wants to be a princess?” TV show a while back (that’s probably not the real name but, geez, it’s not like I watched it), and they were at some sort of picnic. The voice-over was commenting on the fact that most of the ladies had chosen to eat salad, but were having trouble appearing graceful and refined while trying to stuff large pieces of lettuce in their mouths.
This led me to wonder what foods are easy to eat while retaining the utmost lady-like behaviour.
Salad? Although socially favoured by the ladies who are weight-conscious, apparently not.
Chicken? Unless it’s skinless and boneless, not.
Pasta? Carbs? Are you crazy? And red stains are remarkably noticable, especially if you’re wearing summer colours.
Steak? What are you, a cow? (No pun intended.)
Finger foods? If there aren’t any napkins, are you going to lick your fingers or wipe it on yourself?
Sushi? Chewing large sushi rolls tend to make you look like a chipmunk, even if you are a supermodel.
Potatoes? Unless they’re cut with straight edges, they can easily roll off your plate (or around your plate when you’re trying to cut).
So, after much pondering, I have decided that the only remotely easy thing to eat is fish meat (without any bones). Fish is tender, making it much easier to cut than chicken or beef, and it doesn’t taste like sandpaper (the way skinless, boneless chicken tends to). It’s also very classy (unlike eating potatoes – just potatoes), and you can eat in small bites. If it is a steamed fish with little sauce, it likely won’t stain and won’t contain much sugar (and no carbs!).

Too bad I don’t like seafood.

I’m suddenly buried in so much work that I don’t even have time to describe it here. So I’ll just copy an email I sent to my friend which sums up my current craptastic condition pretty well:

i worked THE ENTIRE DAY today. like without fail, the only non-work thing i did was reply to your emails. how NUTS is that???
but truth be told, i’m actually a little bit stressed out right now. there were a bunch of things i was supposed to design for the chinese students association, and they were supposed to be sent to the printing company at the beginning of aug so we’d have them back in time for the start of school. but i STILL haven’t sent them yet, because the president asshole didn’t like my cover the first time, and then i couldn’t be bothered to make another cover for the longest time. also i made these membership cards and i want them to be these really cool like silver semi-transparent things and i kept telling him there was this one printing company that could do these cool cards but it’s slightly more expensive so i had to make sure it was ok with him, but he never told me whether he was ok with it.
and if i send them out now, regardless of which printing company, they definitely won’t be ready by the beginning of school. he called me half a dozen times last night and i just didn’t pick up cuz i didn’t want to deal with it.
and i’d also promised to remake the website for this year cuz last year’s sucked pretty badly, but i haven’t even thought about what to do for the new one yet.

and this other club is also paying me to make their website and i was supposed to have it done for this week but i haven’t touched it.

and i have my philo final exam tmrw and there’s this huge chapter on feminism and i don’t understand it at all.

and i’m on the spirit squad for the soph team, and we’re supposed to make this video to show the frosh, and i’ve been pretending i’ve been in cambodia so i can’t read their emails.

like honestly there is so much shit to do all of a sudden. i can’t even do this stuff at work anymore because of all the projects i have to do for these profs. and there’s no way i’m going to do this during my two precious days of vacation.

so when i come back next week, i’m going to be in so much crap.

Sucks, doesn’t it?

Other funny snippets of email conversation with BaseballBrownieBoy:

On the topic of old computers…
Him:
i am sitting in my cube, totally dying here
i cant believe its monday morning
worst time of week ever.

i am working on this program and like once a day my computer will just restart on it own
and like they gave me the worst computer ever made
its like at least 8 years old and like dying, so it takes 10 mins to load

Me:
You write like a retard. Did I tell you that? I had to use a retardation
translator to understand your email. But I guess I can forgive you -
university has made all of us dumb.
Ew, having computers that old should be illegal or something.

On the topic of girls…
Me:
So many girls I’ve met are so emotionally weak, it’s
disgusting. I don’t know what to do with them. I want to slap them
around with a big fish and be like “dude, stop being such a GIRL.” This
is probably why I’ve had more male friends than female ones since
forever. But I can’t do that here anymore, because guys don’t want to be
my friend. Because I’m a girl and they’re sexist bastards and they just
want a GIRLFRIEND, not a friend. Even though I may be the most amazing
friend they ever have, but it’s not like their dicks care. So I’m stuck
being friends with girls who are crybabies and live for their
boyfriends. Yuck yuck yuck. I want to shoot myself.

Him:
no guys want to be friends with girls
its just…no
girls are basically good for 1 thing to us
well 2…either getting some from that girl or having that girl introduce us to other girls to get some from
i think thats how the male mind works
actually im sure

Me:
if what you say is true then i’m fucked. will i have to put up with
being in some girl gossip group for the rest of my life? the thought of
it freaks me out. it all sounds suspiciously cultish and retarded. why
can’t we go back to kindergarten when there weren’t gender divides? even
in kindergarten my best friend was male. now everyone just wants to… mate.

hey does your company email get screened? i mean, if i swear will it
raise red flags?

At some point we realize a lot of my emails aren’t going through because I keep swearing. So in my last email to his company account, I added:
HEY IT GUYS – FUCK YOU!
And then we moved our convo elsewhere.

On Japanese food and drugs…
Him:
i think ive only had japanese food once
like a bento box, or wtvr its called
yea i got teriyaki chicken
and then i gave away my sushi
ive still never had sushi or coffee or drugs
i am the man

Me:
you’re like an amish person! how can you have never had coffee? i haven’t had illegal drugs yet either, but the fact that i carry a bottle of tylenol with me everywhere pretty much makes me a druggie

On school spirit…
Him:
i cant really imagine u on a spirit squad
ur not peppy enough
its a good thing, pep is annoying after like 5 sec

Me:
i can’t imagine myself in a spirit squad either. which is why i told them i’m in cambodia. i should fake some pictures.

Last night, I saw Stardust with my new boy of the moment, SeriousChinaBoy. After he partied with my friends and I, I felt that we really bonded, and couldn’t wait to talk to him again. I’d called him a few days after, and we decided to see a movie after my exam. But that seemed too far away (I am not a patient woman). Today, I’d lugged my laptop to a bustling coffee shop with the intention of getting some reading done for my Philo exam. Instead, I added SCB on MSN and ended up suggesting he come see a movie with me.
By the time he got there, it was already dark. It was depressing to realize that now it’s dark by 9, which means summer is almost over. The movie was good, and the little excursion made me realize that I definitely feel different around him. Maybe it’s because I feel like he needs me, and that in itself is enough to peak my curiousity. Why do I always go after people who need me (friends and boyfriends)? Why can’t I go after someone who’s emotionally stable? Anyway, all I know is that I make him happy. This, coming from a guy who’s been depressed for two years is a pretty big deal.
He gave me his jacket in the theatre because it was really cold, and as I snuggled into it and smelled him on the collar of the jacket, I wished instead that I was snuggling into him. But, nothing happened. I maintained total control and barely batted an eyelash at him. Ladies and gentlemen, SassyGirl is officially not going to jump the gun on this one. I guess I’m afraid of ruining things by moving too quickly, but I’m also afraid of losing this, whatever this is, by waiting too long. It’s a delicate balance, I suppose. Meanwhile, I still have to figure out what I want. “Feeling different” in combination with a guy who was depressed about his last girlfriend for two years means I have to be sure before I start leading him on.
Ugh. It’s already getting complicated, and we haven’t even gotten anywhere yet.

Anyway. As summer draws to a close, I realize this summer has actually been much more eventful than most of my summers. I don’t know what I was complaining about. Blame it on my inner socialite.

Snap shot memories:
- Many late nights at karaoke, belting out cheesy ballads and going behind the bar to invent my own drinks every half hour
- Hooking up with GuelphBoy, who was, at times, very sweet, and then totally fucking it up before realizing it can’t go anywhere
- Going to bubble tea at 3 in the morning, and almost getting into street races
- Sneaking off to party all weekend in The City with CrazyBestFriend and others – getting wildly drunk and splurging on eating out
- Staying out till 6 in the morning, and getting a cigarette burn while I’m at it
- Hooking up with RalphLaurenBlueBoy unexpectedly at a BBQ
- Discovering this amazing bubble tea shop in Chinatown and going there twice in one night
- Getting tipsy from wine-tasting in Niagara-on-the-Lake
- Sneaking into casino at Niagara Falls with my parents there
- 19th birthday party in The City
- Coffee breaks in the middle of the work day
- Driving to Grand Bend with friends on a whim, all crammed into a sedan, me passed out from exhaustion
- Napping on the beach
- Sipping cocktail on the porch of a dive bar, while feasting on some of the best fries I’ve ever had
- Driving back and singing along to old pop songs that we grew up to
- Playing Clue in French until the early hours of the morning while listening to French rap
- Making/having dinner with friends, playing Wii or cards or watching movies together, being oh so comfortable

And the summer’s not over yet.